The 13th Night Feels Different
Worship While Carrying Weight - #204
Bismillāh al-Rahmān al-Rahīm,
Assalāmu ʿAlaykum!
This Ramadān feels different.
There’s a lot going on. A lot of distraction.
For me, it’s very different.
I’m in and out of hospital. My Qur’ān routine disrupted. My nana passed away. My father is back in hospital.
And somewhere between suḥūr and tarāwīḥ, between duʿāʾ and phone calls, you realise something:
Ramadān is such a blessing, and it does not pause for anything.
It doesn’t slow down because your heart is heavy.
It doesn’t delay Laylat al-Qadr because someone you love is struggling.
The month continues.
When Worship Feels Heavy
There is a version of Ramadān where everything flows.
Energy is high.
Focus is sharp.
Recitation is sweet.
And then there is the quieter version.
The one where you stand in ṣalāh distracted.
Where your mind drifts.
Where duʿāʾ feels more like desperation.
Where you are tired, not from fasting, but from carrying weight.
This version is rarely spoken about.
But it might be the more sincere one.
Because now you are not worshipping on inspiration.
You are worshipping through strain.
Ramadān Does Not Remove Reality
Sometimes we expect Ramadān to fix everything.
To lift our mood.
To restore our focus.
To energise our routines.
Bring us back to where we should be.
But sometimes Ramadān comes while life is already shaking you.
And maybe that is intentional.
Because when your heart softens through loss, your duʿāʾ changes.
When you are reminded of fragility, your recitation deepens.
When someone you love is unwell, “Yā Rabb” carries weight.
You are reminded that time is not promised.
That health is not permanent.
That strength can shift within a year.
We spoke about “last Ramadan with strength.”
But we rarely imagine how quickly that strength can change.
And yet it does.
If You Are Memorising While Carrying Grief
Let me speak to those trying to revise while their minds are elsewhere.
It will feel slower.
Your recall will hesitate.
Your flow will break.
You will forget transitions you normally wouldn’t.
Do not panic.
Heavy hearts do not memorise quickly.
But sometimes they memorise deeply.
When you recite while worried, while tired, while uncertain, and you still stand, that standing is weightier.
You might revise fewer pages this week.
That is fine.
Just do not disappear.
Do not withdraw completely.
Even if all you manage is:
One page slowly.
One rakʿah with focus.
One quiet duʿāʾ before sleep.
Consistency under strain builds something stronger than productivity under ease.
Ramadān is Honest
The first few days of Ramadān are emotion.
Now we are in the middle.
This is where routine either forms or fades.
And for some of us, this is where reality hits hardest.
But here is the truth:
Ramadān is not only for the energetic.
It is also for the exhausted.
Not only for the motivated.
But for the burdened.
Not only for the focused.
But for the distracted heart trying anyway.
Perhaps this Ramadān is not about increasing your quantity.
Perhaps it is about refining your sincerity.
Perhaps it is about standing while carrying something heavy and still choosing Allāh.
That choice matters.
Worship Through It
You may not feel ready.
You may not feel spiritually high.
You may not feel strong.
But stand anyway.
Recite anyway.
Fast anyway.
Make duʿāʾ anyway.
Because the version of you that worships while carrying grief may be the most honest version of you.
And Allāh sees that.
He sees the distracted sujūd.
He sees the tears you didn’t plan.
He sees the worry behind your āyāt.
Nothing is wasted.
Not even the tired rakʿah.
A Duʿāʾ Tonight
Make duʿāʾ for those you’ve lost.
Make duʿāʾ for those who are ill.
Make duʿāʾ for your parents.
Make duʿāʾ for your children.
Make duʿāʾ for yourself.
Because Ramadān holds space for it.
And perhaps some of the most accepted duʿāʾ are made when the heart is already cracked open.
If this Ramadān feels heavy for you too, you are not alone.
Stand gently.
Revise quietly.
Pray sincerely.
And carry on.
If this resonated with you, send it to someone who might be standing quietly under weight this Ramadān.
Allāh have mercy on those we’ve lost.
May He grant shifāʾ to the ill.
May He strengthen us in weakness.
And may He accept from us even when we feel we are offering little.
And remember me in your duʿāʾ.
وَصَلَّى اللّٰهُ عَلَىٰ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَعَلَىٰ آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ وَسَلِّمْ
— Qāri’ Mubashir
👉 Read more about Hifz in Ramadan
📖 THE DIARY OF A HĀFIZ
I share these not to impress you, but to normalise the struggle. These are not ideal journeys. These are real ones. If you see yourself in them, that’s the point.
Here’s a roundup reporting the progress of our brothers and sisters this week:
🧕🏼 Aaliya
Background: I'm 29 and I started memorizing full time about 3 years ago. As a child, I had only memorized the last few surahs of juz 30. But as an adult, I started reading the Quran everyday and slowly began memorizing. Now I go to a masjid hifz class everyday and I have memorized 22 ajza so far Alhamdulillah. I'm trying to increase my daily revision to 2-3 juz. I'm hoping recording weekly diaries will motivate me to be more consistent and inshAllah help others who read it too.
Year 2, Week 29:
“Ramadan is moving so quickly. I’m almost done with juz 23, just a few pages left. I’m trying to follow the advice from the last newsletter and add in my revision in prayer. I’m praying taraweeh in a masjid, so instead I’m revising in other sunnah prayers. Mainly just focusing on juz 23.
For revision, I redid 18th and the end is still not good. I also revised 12, 13, and 14, and surah kahf. This week, I need to work on the rest of juz 15, 16 and 17.
I haven’t made any progress on the separate Quran khatm, I’m struggling to find enough practice time for my revision cycle. I will try to make more time this week inshallah.”
🧕🏼 Umm Sulaym
Background: I’m 22 years old and I’ve spent over 2 years on the journey of memorizing the Quran. I started on my own, then I had a teacher who helped for over half a year and then back to myself for about some months. All of these times, I didn’t have a particularly consistent routine or pattern, I just wanted to keep going. After close to 2 years I had memorized about 8 ajzaa but I was stuck, I hadn’t prioritized revision, The amount of memorization I had accomplished feels more than a number than the wordings itself, I can hardly remember much. Now, I’m on journey - while keeping to moving forward (I’m on currently my 10th juz) - to put intense effort to revising or re-memorizing as it applies my previous memorizations and then begin a consistent pattern to memorizing and revising.
Week 20:
“Next week”
🧕🏼 Aisha
Background: I’m a 37 yr old, mother of 6 kids. I memorised the Qur’an in madrasa initially and completed it on my own after marriage. Lack of proper revision, haste in reaching the end line and not prioritising Qur’an due to responsibilities led me to forget my hifz. I’ve been rememorising since a year and completed 17 juz so far with a goal to complete hifz again with regular revision ... and carry it till death , Insha Allah.
Year 1, Week 16:
“Assalamualaikum warahmatullah,
Alhamdulillah, I revised Juz 14 to 16 last week, started Anbiya but haven’t yet completed, hoping to do so in the next few days. It took me 2 to 3 days to perfect one juz but that’s ok because these are my weaker ones and even being able to recite in prayer is an achievement for me, Alhamdulillah.
In each of these juz I was the weakest in the last quarter, I still have to make them solid but somehow revised enough to recite in prayer.
Hoping to do another round of revision in prayers before Ramazan ends, inshallah.”
👳🏼♂️ Muhammad
Background: After forgetting what he memorised (half the Qur'ān) and kept struggling to start again. So he decided to share his diary and mission with us. After 19 weeks of struggle, he finally started. It took him a few months to do a few Juz’. He’s 38 and has been the most consistent of our diaries despite continued struggles.
Year 3, Week 25:
“Alhamdulillah, managed to follow Qari’s advice from last week and I have been practising through the Tarawih prayers covering 3 juz’ so far. It really shows you where you’re weak and the mutashabihat are exposed. I’ll continue doing this till the end of Ramadan.”
👉 If you have any questions, just drop a reply to me and I'll feature the questions and answers in relevant issues.
If you want to join the diaries, get in touch also! It’s easy, I just need a bio, your goals, and then an update weekly.
Allāh grant us all success and ease on this path!
⭐ COMMUNITY HIGHLIGHTS & UPDATES
Hifz Camp will be opening.
If you are tired of drifting…
If you are tired of repairing…
If you are serious about stabilising your Qur’an…
Then this is the time. Details will follow.
P.S.
If you returned today — even with one āyah — reply and tell me.
Not to report progress.
But to mark a return.
💬 Reply & tell me: What’s your biggest struggle in Hifz right now? Have a question? Reply to this email (or answer the question below) and let me know—I’ll try to feature your question in upcoming posts.
I so much needed this...
May Allah reward you abundantly
And easen your affairs
Jazak Allahu khairan for continuing to encourage people regardless of everything going on. May Allah ease your affairs. Aameen.